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JaMarcus Russell Career Highlights

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 JaMarcus Russell Career Highlights
topic by Jago - 11-14-2010, 08:48 AM

Just The Facts
  1. Before being released, rumors were that Russell arrived at training camp weighing 300 pounds, far above the 255 he weighed in his prime. 3 years ago.

  2. When Jamarcus Russell sits around the mansion he bought with his $31 million guaranteed from the Raiders, he literally sits around the mansion he bought with his $31 million.

  3. When JaMarcus Russell steps back from the snap, he goes "beep beep beep".

  4. JaMarcus Russell is so fat that his offensive linemen don't exactly form a pocket around him so much as gravitationally fall into orbit.

JaMarcus Russell's career

JaMarcus Russell was drafted in 2007 by the Raiders and got mostly glowing reviews from most sports experts at the time, although some warned that he had a high likelihood of becoming fat and lazy (key football terms).

There were allegedly quite a few warning signs at the time.

"Even before the Vegas trips and crazy bling and purple drank rumors, there was the ESPN video of him just before draft day talking about how much he was going to relax and eat once he got drafted. (How that didn't freeze NFL scouts in their tracks I have no idea.)"

Nevertheless, Al Davis drafted him. Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders, is insane, and by some reports died ten years ago in a tragic accident. However, he appears to have been resurrected by some unnatural force and has returned to do its bidding.

Most Raiders fans don't take such silly stories seriously and opt for a more reasonable hypothesis - that he is Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars. There is some evidence for this as well.

For whatever reason, he drafted JaMarcus Russell.

Almost immediately, there was trouble when Russell refused to report to training camp unless he was given way too much money. Although the organization balked for a while at giving an unprecedented amount of money to someone who hadn't played a day of professional football, they finally decided it was pretty reasonable.

By this time, he had missed all of training camp and several weeks of the regular season, and didn't get caught up enough to play until the last two games. He didn't do so great in those games, but it all got lost in how bad the team was doing in general.

The next season, 2008, he got his coach, Lane Kiffin, fired, mostly by being terrible. When Kiffin told Al Davis that Russell was terrible, Al Davis essentially told him, "You're terrible," and eventually fired him. The demon possessing Al Davis was convinced that JaMarcus Russell was a hidden jewel and just needed a good coach in order to bloom.

At a news conference, Davis read a letter he had written to the fired coach. "He is a great player. Get over it and coach this team on the field. That is what you were hired to do. We can win with this team."

Russell spotted during the offseason

The offseason was a delicious one, and Russell showed up to 2009 training camp so overweight he was fined. He continued his show of excellence by falling asleep at team meetings or just skipping them to go to Vegas, while performing at a record-breaking level of terrible on the field.

After a particular stinker of a game against the Broncos where he failed to complete half his passes, two of them going to the opposite team, he displayed his fire and determination to learn from his mistakes by blaming the refs for calling those interceptions and saying, "I think I did all right. ... I try to play with no regrets."

It takes a lot of confidence, or denial, or whatever, to say that after the home crowd has been chanting "JaMarcus sucks," the entire game.

In November 2009, coach Tom Cable finally yanked him out of the game. The fans cheered wildly as Bruce Gradkowski came out to replace him even though they didn't know who Bruce Gradkowski was. Over the next few games, Bruce did all right, and after he got hurt, the other backup quarterback did all right as well, neither of them harmed by having JaMarcus Russell as a comparison.

Over the 2010 offseason, the Raiders accumulated several more quarterbacks, to the point where about 5 people would have to get hurt in order for Russell to play again. Feeling that this still wasn't enough of a safety margin, they finally released him May 6, 2010.

He is currently waiting for another team to pick him up and let his hidden talent shine. We'll update you when this happens.
Source: JaMarcus Russell Career Highlights

27 comments for "JaMarcus Russell Career Highlights"

 11-14-2010, 08:59 AMaway - #2
TH35 74 heat pts74

$58,347 | POWERFUL
John Elway like . Anyway, I do hope he does get a chance to play again, he's talented when he's not being lazy.
 11-14-2010, 09:15 AMaway - #3
TERRANCE CRACK 48 heat pts48

$8,167 | POWERFUL
damn he got paid
 11-14-2010, 09:57 AMonline - #4
TheT 20 heat pts20

$13,924 | POWERFUL
 11-14-2010, 10:00 AMonline - #5
xRapHeadx 17 heat pts17

$9,056 | POWERFUL
His physical tools are unmatched, but he has zero pocket presence, he's wildly inaccurate( I swear he has overthrown screen passes), and he's late on his reads.

His arm is incredible though. The type of velocity he can put into tight spaces is John Elway esque. Even though he was fat, he was still pretty mobile too.
 11-14-2010, 10:07 AMaway - #6
lboog1423 206 heat pts206

$19,734 | POWERFUL
them burgers look good as ####
 11-14-2010, 10:11 AMaway - #7
Got Cheeve? 111 heat pts111

$41,000 | POWERFUL
He had 4.2 speed tho! Al Davis stop watch says so!

nah i'm happy for the Raiders this year, they been #### for awhile now.
 11-14-2010, 10:15 AMaway - #8
Benny2k 1 heat pts

$3,770 | 14694776
someone please post that jarmarcus gif riding through the destruction of the world in 2012movie LMAO
 11-14-2010, 10:29 AMonline - #9
J-Schmoove 31 heat pts31

$8,260 | POWERFUL
Originally Posted by NjGiant420
someone please post that jarmarcus gif riding through the destruction of the world in 2012movie LMAO
 11-14-2010, 10:39 AMaway - #10
DEDOS 101 heat pts101

$43,694 | POWERFUL
Originally Posted by WiLL i Am


his bank account says otherwise
 11-14-2010, 11:00 AMaway - #11
Benny2k 1 heat pts

$3,770 | 14694776
Originally Posted by J-Schmoove
 11-14-2010, 02:35 PMaway - #12
Jago 400 heat pts400

$2,135 | POWERFUL
Originally Posted by J-Schmoove
 11-14-2010, 03:39 PMaway - #13
LegalTrappeRx 39 heat pts39

$9,538 | POWERFUL

but cat food though?
 11-14-2010, 03:47 PMaway - #14
Lex Lossis 44 heat pts44

$23,608 | POWERFUL
just terrible
 11-14-2010, 03:51 PMaway - #15
Cap Peeler 7 heat pts

$12,863 | POWERFUL
 11-14-2010, 03:57 PMonline - #16
theFREAK 971 heat pts971

$29,259 | POWERFUL

 11-14-2010, 03:59 PMaway - #17
ReggieA 190 heat pts190

$33,502 | POWERFUL

I watched that game, and I nearly fell out my chair when he did the slowest spin move I ever seen in my life.

 11-14-2010, 04:20 PMaway - #18
Quik 1 heat pts

$263 | 1436191
 11-14-2010, 04:27 PMonline - #19
EscoNore 63 heat pts63

$10,578 | POWERFUL
dem cheeseburgers
 11-14-2010, 04:35 PMaway - #20
Cartel-Clipz 19 heat pts19

$19,254 | POWERFUL
Originally Posted by J-Schmoove



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