An Insomniac's Lullaby - Life and Death - Boxden Articles




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aplus
08-09-2005, 07:25 AM
http://slumz.boxden.com/showthread.php?t=398161

It is still taking me like a week between poems, so I guess I still am working my way though the block. Hate it or love it, but let me know what you think...1



An Insomniac’s Lullaby

Police sirens holler after midnight,
Waking the neighbors but keeping me company.
My mattress would tell you, if it could talk,
Of restless nights trapped in a buzz of lust,
Time spent mastering the broken syntax of sex.
My bedsprings would sing ballads of the times
When I sought the promise of pleasure
That’s locked within a stranger’s careless touch.
My bloodshot eyes remain eternal witnesses
To the perverse nocturnal maneuvers
That I cannot take back, actions that dwell
Inside my conscious like sinful mementos.
When sensuality doesn’t prop open my eyelids,
The edgy hours of darkness torture my soul,
With heart palpitations and chilled sweats,
Blurred moments of genius and melancholy,
Childhood terrors and adult fantasies,
And musical riffs playing incessantly
Inside the confines of my mind,
An insomniac’s lullaby that steals my sleep,
A testament that some dreams are destined
To be left abandoned atop a pillow,
Along with the imprint
Of my tired head.

JigglezPooh
08-09-2005, 09:28 AM
Nice drop Aplus. Dont worry ur slowing returning from your block. LOL. I loved the diction and ur structure was on point. The only error that I noticed was where you said "inside the confines mind" which should be "inside the confines of my mind". Other than that nice drop.

aplus
08-09-2005, 10:27 AM
thanks for the feedback jigglezpooh...and catching that error...

aplus
08-10-2005, 06:37 AM
uppin........

~BLUEPRINT~
08-10-2005, 07:59 AM
you know me fam, and as much as I admire you and your work, this one was missing that plus ingredients that makes everything you do classic...I cant quite put my finger on it...but hey what the hell coming off of block this is still a hellluva drop fam....keep hope alive...lol

aplus
08-10-2005, 01:16 PM
kinda figured that, blueprint...guessed that was the reason why I wasn't getting too many comments.

thanks for your input...probably need to work on this one a little more...I think I just had a whole bunch of hot phrases that I thought about with respect to not sleeping and slopped them together...each image sounds all right, but the whole poem is proabably missing somethin, like u said...1

Still Motion
08-11-2005, 01:21 PM
Yeah I liked it. All around it was nice. And you were right you did have some really hot phrases here and there. it was a great drop IMO coming off a block. Your great vocab is present in this piece, so I liked that. I learn something new everytime I read one your pieces.

Jazzy Soul
08-11-2005, 07:29 PM
I learn something new everytime I read one your pieces.

Yeah, me too. :applause: for yet another great drop aplus. Pfft @ you for coming off a block sounding hot like this. I would be mad if it weren't such a great poem, coming from you. Great work man, keep it up.

LaBellaBrown
08-11-2005, 07:46 PM
I have now come to realize that every piece that you put the pen to is not going to make my mouth drop in awe. Though I have become accustomed to being marveled by your talent, this on, honestly, strikes me as less than your ordinary work. But as a piece standing alone, it isn't bad. It's actually rather good; but I'm sorry Plus, in my opinion, you're better than that. I don't know if you'll take it as a compliment or an insult, but it's the truth.