My Love

[Don Savant]

http://slumz.boxden.com/showthread.php?t=165327

gently i run my pen
smoothly over the surface
of my canvas
never making contact
yet happy with the results
of my still invisible masterpiece

combing the inside of my intelligence
for that rare form of self
to be spilled from my soul
this literary excursion
the likes of which i've traveled
time
and time
again

spilling paints of
literal intention
creating a portrait of
my mental anguish
capturing the essence of
the reasoning behind my existence

atop my easel sits
my crowning achievement
in all it's glory
telling it's story
of how poetry came to be
the one true love of my life

[phatboi1984]

fiyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh h

[Def Poet]

hot drop man.

[aplus]

semi-educated aplus response:
there is something kinda erotic about this poem, even though if you take each word by itself, it isn't. that is hot to me. maybe it is the "gentle running of the pen", the "smooth over the surface" or the "spillin of paints". maybe you weren't going for that, but it is defintiely an undertone in this poem.



aplus' normal response:
nice, you droppin that fire right there...

[~BLUEPRINT~]

decent drop...nothing that I havent heard before when writing about art....but dont get me wrong this is a decent piece....but not the best ive seen from you.....6.5/10

[Don Savant]

thanks everyone....this was just something off the top that came to me and i had to lay it down.....

[deltamae]

I like dis its almost an explanation of y u write.

[hebrew jim]

kind of lost the meaning of the poem down the line

[SuNsHiNe_BLuE]

atop my easel sits
my crowning achievement
in all it's glory
telling it's story
of how poetry came to be
the one true love of my life


^^^^^hotness

[<the takeova>]

Not Bad My Nigga

[brodch01]

like ive said before... i dont really like punchline endings, and this one really doesnt help the poem... like plus said, theres a romantic red-thread running through this poem, so the last line seems overly-foreshadowed... some of the writing though, as usual with you, is too good to scrap... "combing your intelligence" is nice, and the roughness of that imagery seems well-placed when juxtaposed with the smoothness of "spilling the paint"...

[rowdyonez]

good for the subject 9/10

[Don Savant]

few more crits?

[Don Savant]

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[Don Savant]

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