untiled(my first poem post)

[diplomatic]

http://slumz.boxden.com/showthread.php?t=154057

My young youth are blinded with open hands and close eyes
living life with open demands and closed minds
This world is made not giving two fu*ks about you
So dont think when you in trouble you will have some one to call out to
naw, so its a hard knock life........thats the way it seems
I mean jigga man lived and breathed it.......and he on the T.V. screens
So ya grabbing your white T's
wearing your blue jean's
and you going to spit it!
you heard how 50 rapped it
and you gonna live it!
waking up the next day
what upping to all your gangstas
telling them you patiently waiting
on meny men in da club who
stay high all the time and carry heat
and if you cant stop them
you will grab all your blood houds
to back down
any P.I.M.P.
that dont like your style, poor or a lil rich
dont ask 21 questions cuz
right now you on the edge so dont push you
you gotta get any wanksta who's not like you
because you will lay your life on the line
and im not hating i just want you'll to see
that this how the world want you to be
everyone but me.......


alright this my first time posting a poem tell me what you'll think.....

my bad about that next i should read the rules first

[LordMason DaRula]

damn son sounded familiar to me , but anyways u ripped it tho for ya first post... real creative on tha 50 cent get rich or die tryin theme..... new rules son u gotta critique someelse work and link it here to ya post or the mod will delete or close the thread... but u new so i guess it be cool.. ask them.......

[diplomatic]

damn son sounded familiar to me , but anyways u ripped it tho for ya first post... real creative on tha 50 cent get rich or die tryin theme..... new rules son u gotta critique someelse work and link it here to ya post or the mod will delete or close the thread... but u new so i guess it be cool.. ask them.......


thanks i hope it didnt sound familiar i just wrote that two days ago, and good looking i need to start reading the rules but i fixed it i hope its coo with the mods

[LordMason DaRula]

naw not mean it in a bad way but u know how people be sayin shyt and the way u express it sounded familar
it was good tho to me...........

[diplomatic]

goodlooking on the feedback man^^^

[SuNsHiNe_BLuE]

this fell off to me...u ridin 50 way too hard and it lacks originality...the concept is hot though you could have done so much more w/ words...3/10

[brodch01]

yea rewrite it... keep at it though, sh*t aint bad...

[~BLUEPRINT~]

wow....you referred to 50 more than ja did during they whole beef........i'd say scrap this whole concept and just run with a new idea....you have potential....2/10 for this drop