lonely as the leaf that fell from the tree

[soulof585]

As the lonely leaf falls from the tree
I wanna live, I wanna die
I wanna smile, I wanna cry
I cant figure out how I feel inside
I cant figure out what i wanton the outside
So I'am just,
as lonely as the leaf that fell from the tree.

[soulof585]

This is my 1st poetry post, what yall think?

[~BLUEPRINT~]

ok, i will be brutally honest.....for your first time this was ehhhhhh.....not very good....but you got to start somewhere and as you read more and more poetry you will develop gradually and you vocab will grow....you grammar and structure will mature as well....but you have got A lot of work to do and this piece to say the least was WAYYYYY to short to be considered much of anything except a greeting card which I still dont feel it qualifies for.....keep elevatin

[atlantahawks]

ok, i will be brutally honest.....for your first time this was ehhhhhh.....not very good....but you got to start somewhere and as you read more and more poetry you will develop gradually and you vocab will grow....you grammar and structure will mature as well....but you have got A lot of work to do and this piece to say the least was WAYYYYY to short to be considered much of anything except a greeting card which I still dont feel it qualifies for.....keep elevatin

u speak da truth mayne :eek:

[LordMason DaRula]

welcome homie, and my crit is that u will find ur voice we all do it just takes time, me Im dont kill nigga dreams tho not tryin to call my man blue out, but this piece was lacking lenght and ufffpt... 1/10 is my rating, welcome to tha poetry section

[soulof585]

thanks...i'll get better

[Don Savant]

poems aren't really judged by their length...but more by their content...this actually started out kind of decent....but then the last 2 lines you went elementary...maybe if you could have held on to what you were thinbking in the first 2 lines, it could have been a high caliber piece...keep on writing...and critique others....