God killed her

[cyberwulf]

She was dangling from the nylon shoe string
That was ripped from the shoes just below
The toppled stool. She was half-way out
Of my half-way house, until I got in the way.

16 years of age, she was stabbed by countless markers.
Carrying each name inside her, through rape
Or consent, and after many attempts she could never
Erase away the pain that was covered by the tracks on her arms.

But I could, but never through the word god
For I’ve lived foolishly, blindly following in his light
Never noticing that I still walked in complete darkness
As she followed simply because I was there

And on the day of her death, as she hung just over
The broken picture of Mary, there was a note
Still balled in her hand, soaking in the warm blood
That now escaped from the open wound of her neck
And it read

“Have you ever met love before? Or is it just an imagination,
Because I’ve always dreamed of a love between us, as you were the
Only one that could ever erase my memories and write your own
I’m sorry I had to do this, but it was the only way to keep you
From being just a name inside me. For you mean so much more”

If only I could of marked my name inside of her
Maybe she’d still be here, But It wasn’t my fault
God would never have let me…
But if I did she’d still be here…

[~BLUEPRINT~]

Im going to be brutally honest on this one.....the title for this one was maybe one of the WORST titles Ive ever heard...im mean just weak....the topic was jumbled as usual...the message came across...but you have to do to much to get to it which gets annoying and completely sucks ALL the enjoyment out of the poem.....the subject matter was decent but the portrayal of it was just bad to me IMO...and you write so much better but it seems to me as if you are back pedaling....not feeling this drop at all!!!!

[aplus]

"16 years of age, she was stabbed by countless markers.
Carrying each name inside her, through rape
Or consent, "

That was the best image/part of this for me

I do agree somewhat with print that this sin't your best work, and the title doesn't do it for me...I think the idea and concept is there, but where you were going just wasn't too clear to me. I ain't tryin to be hard on ya, but I have seen what you can write, so I know you are tighter than this drop...